Spiritual Friendship Circle

"There is nothing as powerful as an idea whose time has come." -- Victor Hugo

Are you tired of the same materialistic and mundane conversations day after day? Are you looking for others who you can connect with and possibly cultivate some meaningful friendships? In this busy and fast-paced world, it can be a challenge to find others who have the same goals, morals and values as ourselves.

I am seeking curious, eclectic, spiritual women who love nature, animals, hiking, adventure, and travel for intellectual and spiritual conversations in the East Bay. We will meet on the 2nd Sunday of every month from 2:30 PM - 5:30 PM in Walnut Creek or Berkeley. Where we meet is not as important as forming a sanctuary for our circle, a place uninvaded by intrusive sounds, or by other people, a "Do Not Disturb" location.

In the sweet territory of silence we touch the mystery.
It's the place of reflection and contemplation, and it's the place
where we can connect with the deep knowing,
to the deep wisdom way.

--From a talk by Angeles Arrien, author of The Four-Fold Way

The name of our spiritual friendship circle is "Sunday Sangha." Sangha is a Sanskrit word which means an enlightened community and that is what I'm trying to create--an enlightened community of women determined to make a positive impact in the world. Our circle will foster the psyche, trust and authenticity. It will be a safe and sacred place for deep psychological depth and growth, as well as a place for collaborative undertakings, but we'll also have fun! Our circle will be an island of free speech and laughter. We will listen, witness, role model, react, deepen, mirror, laugh, cry, share the wisdom of our experience, support each other and discover ourselves, through talk. As Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D. states, "When a critical number of people change how they think and behave, the culture does also, and a new era begins. What the world needs now is an infusion of the kind of wisdom women have and the form of the circle itself is an embodiment of that wisdom." The purpose of our spiritual friendship circle is to change the way we think and behave so we can "be the change we wish to see in the world."(Gandhi)

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed
citizens can change the world;
indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

--Margaret Mead

We will rotate leadership within our circle with each member serving as discussion leader for the month. The discussion leader would come up with a topic or question of the month for the other members to address during that month's meeting. Here are some sample questions:

• How do you lead a spiritual life?
• How can we realize truth in our daily life?
• What is anger and why does one become angry?
• What is happiness in life?
• How can the mind go beyond its hindrances?
• How can we know ourselves?
• What makes us fear death?
• How can one become intelligent?
• What is life, and how can we be happy?
• What is the real way to build up character?

The vision of Sunday Sangha is to "celebrate life and transform it into something that is more sacred, dignified, respectful and equal." If you are interested in new friendships to help you reflect upon your own ideas and insights and enjoy conversations about spirituality, please send an email to gguval@yahoo.com for more information.

Bioneers Conference

On October 21, 2007, I attended the Bioneers Conference in San Rafael, CA. Bioneers is a forum for connecting the environment, health, social justice, and spirit within a broad progressive framework. Go to www.bioneers.org/ for more information. Just like the Craig's List Boot Camp (http://craigslistfoundation.org/index.php?page=Boot_Camp) I attended in August, the Opening Session began with a drum performance. It's interesting how many nonprofit organizations seek to connect people through music, particularly drumbeats. I think the drumbeats are supposed to symbolize the common heartbeat of every living being on Earth. While I sometimes enjoy the sound of drums (depending on my mood), I prefer softer New Age type of music such as Loreena McKennitt. My favorite song from Loreena McKennit is "The Mummers' Dance." According to wikipedia, Mummers' Plays (also known as mumming) are seasonal folk plays performed by troupes of actors known as mummers or guisers (or by local names such as rhymers, pace-eggers, soulers, tipteerers, galoshins and so on), originally in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales (see wrenboys), but later in other parts of the world. They are sometimes performed in the street but more usually as house-to-house visits and in public houses.

I was deeply moved by Nina Simon's opening talk on fear. Whenever you're engaged in the work of righting social injustices, saving the environment, or protecting the rights of beings who have no voice, you have to face your fears because there will always be those who oppose your work. Nina said, "the way I know I'm on track with my life and my career is when I smell my fear and head straight for it." It's important to question what you are afraid of. When I was in my 20s, my biggest fear was poverty so I entered the financial services industry and became a Financial Consultant for Merrill Lynch because I wanted to make a lot of money. Well, I never earned the riches I dreamed of as a Financial Consultant, but I made a decent living in financial sales. So I remained in financial services for twelve years because it felt safe and I knew I could make a good living in that industry. In Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Safety is right above Biological and Physiological Needs, but below Belongingness and Love, Esteem, and Self-Actualization. Many people go through life guided by the need for security and safety, but for me, that's only half a life. The other side of life is fear and in fear, we can discover things about ourselves that we never knew existed. Even more exciting is the discovery that fear can motivate us to achieve things we never thought possible, things that have the power to transform the world.

Nina also said, "Keep heading for what is broken." I see so many broken "things" in our world--broken relationships, broken people, broken spirits, a broken environment. And those are the things I feel most compelled to "fix." I'm particularly motivated to "fix" broken hearts and broken spirits. There is so much violence in our culture, but rather than turn away from it, I feel inspired to find ways to transform it. I love working with the elderly population in my volunteer work at nursing homes, senior centers, and hospitals. They have so much wisdom and in the "busyness" of our careers, families and outside pursuits, we tend to forget they even exist. I see so much loneliness and yearning for a human connection in the eyes of the elderly I meet. In my opinion, ignoring our elders is a form of violence. I call it the unintentional violence of neglect. As a very young child, I experienced what it felt like to be neglected and whether you're an infant or in your 80s, neglect and abandonment feel the same.

Many of the panels discussed how to save our oceans and the inhabitants of the sea. I also feel a deep commitment to saving our oceans and sea creatures. But at the same time, I feel deep anguish about the millions of farm animals that are mercilessly slaughtered every year all over the world. Unless you attend an Animal Rights Conference (which I did in July), many nature/environmental conferences do not really address the plight of farm animals. Like the elderly, they are the "forgotten" animals on our planet. On Saturday, my family and I attended a tour at Animal Place (http://www.animalplace.org/), a farm animal sanctuary in Vacaville, CA. This was a second visit for my son and me. I felt it was important for my husband to see how farm animals should live--in wide open pastures with plenty of fresh air, food, water, and sunshine. Our guide talked about the living conditions of factory farmed animals and how they are slaughtered. Unfortunately, learning more about the sad plight of farmed animals did not convince my husband to become a vegetarian, but it's not too late for my son. I think that once he becomes an adult, he'll become a vegetarian.

At the Bioneers Conference, Dr. Robyn Benson, a Doctor of Oriental Medicine, talked about the Mandala of Being. At the center of the circle is You. Around the circle of You, are six segments -- Family, Work, Play/Travel, Spirituality, Relationships, and Supreme Health. Many of us assign a much larger portion of our pie to Work which is not the way to live a balanced, sustainable life. When I was a Financial Consultant, work certainly took over most aspects of my life. Later, when I started working on my Master's degree in Marketing, school took over my life. But now that I work for a health care consulting firm, my life feels much more balanced. However, my husband would complain that volunteering consumes too much of my life (I volunteer for seven different nonprofit organizations).

Sun-Haters

I’m reading this fascinating book entitled Microtrends: The Small Forces Behind Tomorrow’s Big Changes by Mark J. Penn. I recognized some of the new microtrends such as the surging population of single people, Cougars (older women dating younger men), Commuter Couples, Internet Marrieds, Working Retired, Extreme Commuters (my facialist on the Big Island of Hawaii commutes 90 minutes each way to work), Stay-at-Home Workers, Interracial Families, etc. The microtrend that really took me by surprise was the Sun-Haters. When we vacationed in Hawaii earlier this month, I wore 50 SPF sunscreen every single day because I’m extremely protective when it comes to my skin. As a result, I came back from Hawaii with nary a tan. Of course, everyone’s skin looks nicer with a little tan, but I don’t want to develop more wrinkles in my skin and I don’t want to run the risk of developing skin cancer. Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the United States today, with more than a million new cases diagnosed each year. The mortality rate from skin cancer has increased 50% since the 1970s. Between 1980 and 1987, the number of melanomas (the really dangerous skin cancer) increased 83%. Skin cancer in teenagers, unheard of a generation ago, is on the rise. At least 25% of skin damage occurs before a person is 18 years old.

As a result, there is a brand new industry to sun-safe clothing, which means long-sleeved shirts and pants that are woven more tightly than regular clothes. A white T-shirt provides an ultraviolet protection factor or UPF of only 5. Some of the clothes are fortified with the products in sunscreen, or chemicals like titanium dioxide, which deflect the sun’s rays. Sun-protective clothing now does about $180 million worth of business per year. Now, there’s a product called Sun-Guard, a laundry aid that washes sun protection right into clothes, boosting their UPF level from about 5 to 30. The majority of foundations and skin creams contain UPF or SPF of at least 15.

Source: Microtrends: The Small Forces Behind Tomorrow’s Big Changes by Mark J. Penn with E. Kinney Zalesne

The Meatrix

Here is an interesting link that makes you think about what you’re eating.

http://www.themeatrix1.com/

If you have not read Dominion: The Power of Man, the Suffering of Animals, and the Call to Mercy by Matthew Scully, I highly recommend his book! This book was named by The Atlantic Monthly as one of the ten best non-fiction works of 2002. Matthew Scully served until August 2004 as special assistant to the president and deputy director of presidential speechwriting. He worked for President George W. Bush a total of five years, including 18 months in the 2000 campaign, and was part of the team that drafted the President’s post-September 11th addresses and every major speech of the first term. Scully has also written for vice presidents Dick Cheney and Dan Quayle, presidential candidate Robert Dole, Arizona Governor Fife Symington, and the late Pennsylvania Gov. Robert P. Casey. A former literary editor of National Review, his work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, and The National Post of Canada, among other newspapers and magazines. Here is a link to an article Matthew Scully wrote about the seal massacres which take place in Canada:

http://www.matthewscully.com/canada_season_shame.htm

Here is something I found online while surfing. Actress Kate Hudson – nominee for the Academy Award – and hairstylist David Babaii are bringing out a cruelty free line of haircare products that will benefit the WildAid project http://www.wildaid.org/eng.asp?CID=1 The WildAid project works together with governments and communities to restore the wildlife of the earth. They are fighting illegal wildlife trade and are attempting to let threatened species grow in numbers again. No doubt about it that this is a very positive project. And the fact that the environment and wildlife are being helped with cruelty free hairline products makes this all the better. There is no need for animal testing to make cosmetics. Here is the link to the story:

http://openpr.com/news/22328.html

Finally, here is a link to an interesting site on animal rights:

http://www.lib.ncsu.edu/animalrights/

Marketing

I found a fun and interesting article by Robert Warren which explains some of the different aspects of marketing. Here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.”

That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.

That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him, so he calls you.

That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”

That’s Junk Mail.

Managing Up: Your Parents

Marshall Goldsmith, best-selling author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, was teaching a one-day leadership course for a large health-care company at the Oakland Convention Center. There were about a thousand managers and union leaders in the room. One woman was given a microphone and rose to speak to the entire room. She said, “I have read many of the things that you have written and have been to your course a couple of times before. There is one thing that you have always left out in your teaching that I believe you should add. You always talk about the value of asking direct reports, ‘How can I be a better manager?’ Or asking co-workers, ‘How can I be a better team player?’ Or asking customers, ‘How can I be a better supplier?’ And even asking partners or children, ‘How can I be a better partner or better parent?’ The one thing that you have left out that you should start teaching everyone is to ask their parents, ‘How can I be a better daughter or a better son?’”

She went on with her personal story. “After my last course with you, as you suggested, I asked my daughter, ‘What can I do to be a better mother?’ We had a wonderful discussion. Then I thought, why not call my mother? I called and asked her, ‘What can I do to be a better daughter?’ Her mother replied, “Now that Dad is dead, I live all alone. Every day I walk up that long drive to go to the mailbox. Almost every day there is nothing in the mailbox. This makes me feel very lonely. It would mean so much to me if you could just send me some cards, or pictures, or notes—so that when I walk to the mailbox there will be a little something inside.” So the woman started sending cards, pictures, and notes to her mother. What did that cost her? Nothing. What did it mean to her mother? Everything.

So now Goldsmith includes this woman’s story in almost every class he teaches. He suggests that if you have parents who are still alive, please call them and ask, ‘What can I do to be a better son or daughter?’ Your colleagues at work are very important. Your parents are even more important—and you may not have that much time.” I have a friend who lives in Hawaii. When his parents lived in California, he called them every single day—even when he was on vacation—because as he told me, “he never knew when they were going to pass away, so he wanted to make sure that he had the chance to speak to them as often as possible while they were still alive.” His mother passed away a few years ago and now his father lives with him in Hawaii.

So if your mother or father is still alive, ask them: “What can I do to be a better son or daughter?” This is good advice for three reasons:

1) It is good for them. Even if they say, “There is nothing you can do to be a better son or daughter,” they will be happy that you cared enough to ask.

2) It is good for you. The No. 1 regret that children have when their parents die is: “Why didn’t I let them know how much I appreciated all that they did for me?” Show how much you care before it is too late. Later on, you will be grateful that you did.

3) If you have children, asking your parent(s) how you can be a better child is good for your children too. You know that old person—your parent—whom you are calling on the phone? In an incredibly short period of time, you are going to be that old person. Do you want your children to call you? Remember, their understanding of our values does not come from what we say; it comes from what we do.

Sources: “Managing Up: Your Parents” BusinessWeek Online (July 31, 2007)
http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com/

Teach Your Kids to Find Work They Love

There was an interesting article in the August 2, 2007 issue of The Wall Street Journal on “Ways to Teach Your Children To Find the Work They Love.” From the age of six, my parents expected me to become a doctor just like my mother because I enjoyed learning about science. Unfortunately, I received a rude wake-up call when I took my first chemistry course in college. It was the first time I earned a “C+” in my life even though I studied harder for that class than any other class I have ever had. Although I did well in my college biology class, I realized that unless I was able to conquer chemistry, there was no way I could hope to gain admission into medical school.

So I thought about switching my major from biology to psychology, but my parents were dead set against that major because they thought it was frivolous and impractical. That is how I ended up majoring in English instead because I have always loved to read and write.

My parents played a heavy hand in deciding which college I should attend. Even though I gained admission to the University of Michigan (my first choice college), my parents talked me into attending Indiana University instead so I would be closer to home. Now, that I have an 11-year-old son, I will let him make his own decisions on which college to attend and what to major in.

Sue Shellenbarger, the author of the article in today’s Wall Street Journal, described her career path as an Etch-A-Sketch doodle which I could also use to describe my rather circuitous career paths. I moved from financial services to the travel industry to early childhood education, then back to financial services again.

Would I have done things differently knowing what I know now? Definitely! I would have attended the University of Michigan instead of Indiana University (although I received a great education at IU) and I would have probably doubled majored in psychology and English. I also would not have flip flopped as much as I have, but instead settled on one career path and remained there. Having said that, all the flip flops I made have enriched my life and given me valuable learning experiences that I probably would not have gained otherwise.

Dr. Jaye Roseborough, executive director of career services for Middlebury College in Vermont, described the “doctor-lawyer-teacher-banker syndrome” where students try to fit themselves into one of a series of career choices as defined by others, rather than using their interests to guide them in exploring the outside world. Clearly, when I was in college and even after I graduated, I fell into that syndrome.

The advice Dr. Roseborough gives to parents who are advising their children on career choices is to “talk about what’s of interest to them, and how important it is to be happy in what you do. Ask how they envision spending their time. The activities required by a job must be a way you really like to behave. What kind of problems do they like to solve? Explain that many people change careers multiple times. And tell stories about how you fell in love with your own work.”

My son is very good at drawing and announced to me one day that he would like to become an artist. My husband was aghast at the thought, but I don’t want to discourage his dreams. We’ll see what happens!